Monday, February 4, 2013

Off Days

6:00am alarm goes off. Sore, swollen throat. Swollen lymph nodes. Plugged up nose.

"Mike, I don't feel the greatest, I don't think I can go to work."
"Sweetie I'm sorry, try drinking some water and sitting up, that could help."
I replied with a blunt "NO. I'm staying home."

It was one of those days. One of those days when I woke up and I felt off from the get go. I was not in the mindset to go to work where I would be serving kids that would drool on me, most likely bite me, and rub their snotty noses on me. Now, that's not how I would usually describe my job---but that's how I did this morning. I didn't want to serve. I didn't want to pour out. I felt burnt out.

That's what happens when I live on my own strength. I feel off. I wasn't meant to live on my own strength.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

**Wow. The second I typed that the music in the background sang that verse. Yup, God must be banging that message from a gong to me. 

Every morning for the past 10 days I have been too tired to wake up to spend time with God. This is SO crucial for me to do. I don't have it in to me to go to work where I treat severely multiply impaired kids, to love my husband, to prepare him dinner after a long day, to take care of the house, all in my own strength. This morning I felt it. I knelt before God feeling the distance that I had put between us. The distance that puts the weight on me to get things done and to do them well. But I don't have much--I don't have anything--to offer in my own strength. I have to come to Jesus everyday for my daily bread to sustain me. His Word, His prayer, for us speaks of this as he asks for us to ask for our daily bread. He gives us all that we need for one day at a time, and I have to come back for more the next day. So today I spent the day doing what I would do with anyone that I am trying to reconnect with. I spent time with God. I spoke to Him and made time to listen. May I continue to come to Him in my weakness, even on my "strongest" days.

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