How could they do that?!

I've been on a roller coaster physically, spiritually, and emotionally for the past 2 months. I keep thinking "Ok, I'll be out of this soon", as I see God ministering to me in my brokenness. I will feel discouraged and restless and stagnant all at the same time, and then I will surrender and God meets me in that place where the floor meets my knees.

It's funny though, I will read stories in the Bible of people who see God provide in amazing ways (fish and bread, Israelites out of Egypt, empty nets to ones full of fish, etc.) and then I'm like "WHAT THE?!" when the very next chapter talks about how those same people question God's goodness and provision. I often think, "How could they do that?!" Well friends, that's me. Man, that is SO where my heart wanders to at times and it was so humbling to realize that! I have found myself riding this roller coaster because my eyes wander back down to me and my circumstances versus lifting my eyes up to where my help comes from.

I look at these stories and see how God continues to reveal Himself even though they question if He will "show up" this time. God is so gracious to us. There are recent journal entries where I am asking God "where are you in this situation?" or "why do I feel this way?" "why is this happening?" and even in those questions He has spoken. It's when we lift up our eyes we can recognize that He is right here with us...even in our mess. When my eyes are up, I find everything I have ever wanted, because He satisfies. 

I started to write the lyrics to this song a few weeks back after I spent time with God when I was feeling discouraged. Even then I saw my tendency to forget God's goodness towards me. Here are the lyrics so far:

How quickly I forget, the fish and the bread
And how the grass of the fields are dressed
With the lilies, in their splendor
They do not toil or spin
Even in valleys, they see their needs met

I've seen you feed the raven
I've seen bread from heaven
I've seen you bring life from death
So be near to me now
And remind me of how, you sustain me and you satisfy

You satisfy
All on your own, you satisfy

Be at rest once more o my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7