tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21148916892810055082024-03-13T08:11:18.524-07:00Identified.Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-54663532258278577162013-08-03T15:51:00.001-07:002013-08-03T16:19:17.679-07:00I want to be a party girlParties? I thought those were for "sinners."<br />
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My pastor at our church gave a sermon that I've been thinking about almost daily since he gave it back in June. It has made me reflect and search and shift.<br />
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Ever since college, or even before then, I have caught myself becoming "super spiritual" at times. That might sound like a good thing to some, but it has caused me to live trapped in performance, pride, and self sufficiency.<br />
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Now don't get me wrong, my absolute love and adoration for Jesus Christ is not what I mean by "super spirituality," but rather it was what I felt like I needed to <b>do</b> to love him that made me caught up in this hyper spiritual mentality. I began to realize this more as I saw how I put an unspoken (and sometimes even spoken) expectation on what others needed to do in order for me to believe they were "true believers." I mean, I do believe what the Bible says about their being fruit in our lives that display our commitment to following Christ, as well as clear commandments to keep us on the path of the straight and narrow that leads to life (Matthew 7:14); but I saw myself setting a standard that was outside of God's Word. That standard was something that I thought was necessary in order to <i>prove</i> salvation.<br />
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Fasting, worshipping with a physical expression, prophecy, healing, and 2+ hour prayer meetings became <i>obligations</i> to being "legit" rather than being an <u>invitation</u> to His benefits.<br />
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I lost the idea and the concept of rejoicing, of fun....of freedom that the Bible is so clear about.<br />
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When the Bible tells us to rejoice always, that means to feel or show great joy or delight! YES! That means have some fun, be free! In the presence of God there is <b>fullness</b> of <i>joy. </i>Goodness me, for those who have been set free by Christ are free INDEED!<br />
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When you look at the Bible there are two things it says Jesus came to do. Jesus came to seek and save the lost (his mission, Luke 19:10) and Jesus came eating and drinking (his method, Matthew 11:19). As my pastor said, Jesus liked to party! Sharing a meal and celebrating and fellowshipping with others was at the center of Jesus' mission to seek and save the lost! I love that! Jesus was a human. He didn't just sit in a prayer closet or spend all of his time with people who believed in him. He was <b>invited</b> to parties by <i>sinners</i>. How often am I invited to parties by people who don't think or believe the same way that I do? I want to be a party girl.<br />
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I have found so much freedom in recognizing that I can worship Jesus while feasting and laughing at a table full of people just as much as when I'm fasting, or I can worship by playing with my neighbors kids who don't know Jesus, just as much as when I'm in a 2 hour prayer gathering. I still see the power and benefits of fasting, prayer meetings, and other standards I had, but I am not ruled by them. I am not cherished because of them.<br />
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It's so amazing to see Jesus more for all that he is, and it's SO rich to be able to walk in ways that draw us closer to all that he is.<br />
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I want to be more like Jesus. Jesus was a partier. I want to be a party girl.<br />
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<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-72250233802969812162013-04-11T19:53:00.002-07:002013-04-12T04:09:15.579-07:00How could they do that?!I've been on a roller coaster physically, spiritually, and emotionally for the past 2 months. I keep thinking "Ok, I'll be out of this soon", as I see God ministering to me in my brokenness. I will feel discouraged and restless and stagnant all at the same time, and then I will surrender and God meets me in that place where the floor meets my knees.<br />
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It's funny though, I will read stories in the Bible of people who see God provide in amazing ways (fish and bread, Israelites out of Egypt, empty nets to ones full of fish, etc.) and then I'm like "WHAT THE?!" when the very next chapter talks about how those same people question God's goodness and provision. I often think, <i><b>"How could they do that?!"</b></i> Well friends, that's me. Man, that is SO where my heart wanders to at times and it was so humbling to realize that! I have found myself riding this roller coaster because my eyes wander back down to me and my circumstances versus lifting my eyes up to where my help comes from.<br />
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I look at these stories and see how God continues to reveal Himself even though they question if He will "show up" this time. God is so gracious to us. There are recent journal entries where I am asking God "where are you in this situation?" or "why do I feel this way?" "why is this happening?" and even in those questions He has spoken. It's when we lift up our eyes we can recognize that He is right here with us...even in our mess. When my eyes are up, I find everything I have ever wanted, because <u>He satisfies. </u><br />
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I started to write the lyrics to this song a few weeks back after I spent time with God when I was feeling discouraged. Even then I saw my tendency to forget God's goodness towards me. Here are the lyrics so far:<br />
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<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px; margin-top: 10px;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How quickly I forget, the fish and the bread</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And how the grass of the fields are dressed</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the lilies, in their splendor</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They do not toil or spin</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even in valleys, they see their needs met</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've seen you feed the raven</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've seen bread from heaven</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've seen you bring life from death</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So be near to me now</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And remind me of how, you sustain me and you satisfy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You satisfy</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All on your own, you satisfy</span></div>
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Be at rest once more o my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. Psalm 116:7</div>
Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-25604965581595179962013-03-29T10:54:00.004-07:002013-03-29T10:54:56.792-07:00Resurrected<b>Resurrect</b>: to raise from the dead. What an intense word.<br />
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Have you seen anything that was dead, come to life?<br />
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This past week, I felt death in me. Obviously not in a literal sense; but I just felt like the fullness of life that I have been given had been partially sucked out of me. I had felt that way for a few weeks and the heaviness of it was lingering and prolonging itself, and I had had enough. I broke down in weakness to my servant husband who pointed me right to Christ. He set up space for me to go sit in my favorite corner of the couch to meet with the One who was resurrected, and could resurrect the fullness of life that was given to me through Him. I spent time talking with God, repenting of depending on my own strength to get myself out of this feeling, and for turning to others and other things before turning to the One who actually BRINGS life. What I've come to realize is that when I choose to run <i>towards</i> Christ, rather than <i>away </i>from him when I am hurting, He meets me there. He is close to the brokenhearted and will reveal himself to those who seek him with <u>all</u> their heart. Within minutes of pouring out my confession and affection to God, He spoke. I could sense He was renewing my heart and my mindset as He brought me to different passages of scripture, with Psalm 116 and Jeremiah 17:5-10 being 2 passages that really convicted me as well as uplifted me. Sometimes I can quickly forget the numerous ways God has blessed me when I allow myself to dwell on the things that are not yet or are not meant to be. These passages of scripture reminded me to lean on Christ, to put my hope and confidence in Him, and to praise Him for all His goodness towards me. The parts of my heart that had felt dead to me were becoming resurrected as God gently spoke over me His truth and I put into practice what His Word told me to.<br />
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When my difficult coworker rolled her eyes at me, I <i>thanked</i> God for my job.<br />
When 3 women I know announced their pregnancies in one day, I <i>thanked</i> God for the life he put inside of them.<br />
When my husband didn't do things the way <u style="font-style: italic;">I</u> asked him to, I <i>thanked</i> God for my husband that daily serves me.<br />
When I was exhausted from the busy week, I <i>thanked</i> God that I could find rest in Him.<br />
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<b>That's the power of resurrection.</b> It is SO hard to thank God for things when I feel discouraged or frustrated. But through the death and resurrection of Jesus, the veil was torn so that I could speak to the Father and hear from the Father to find renewal and hope.<br />
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When remembering what Good Friday represents today, it is with great joy and awe that I know the end of the story. That there is resurrected life! That death and sorrow and darkness are only for a time and out of those things, there is opportunity for NEW life through the power of the resurrected Savior, Jesus!Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-37530135584322887732013-03-15T13:46:00.004-07:002013-03-15T13:46:53.771-07:00Through the journey.As you have already noticed, my blog is very welcoming into the journey of my life. I am always open to sharing the ups and downs and allowing myself to be vulnerable. There's so much freedom when I allow myself to be vulnerable and real with people instead of trying to hide my fears, insecurities, and struggles.<br />
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As most of you know, one of my biggest desires currently in my journey is to get pregnant and carry a little a life in me <i>full term</i>. I emphasize full term, as I sometimes fear my inability to do so. But my greatest desire is to <b>always</b> worship Jesus. <b>Always</b>. I want to worship Jesus all day, everyday, and in every situation. When I become fearful or discouraged as I wait on God's timing to become pregnant, my heart becomes weary to worship sometimes.<br />
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I have taken 3 pregnancy test in the past 18 days, as I truly believed that I could be pregnant. I knew the first one I took was too early (but was too antsy to wait), and I was hoping that maybe I took my next one too early as well because both of them were negative. This morning I decided to take another pregnancy test since my body (<i>and my mind</i>) were driving me crazy to know if I truly was pregnant. Even though the first tests were negative, I still thought--and hoped--that there was a chance because I was feeling really similar to the first time I got pregnant. This morning the test was negative. Then the dreaded period came along an hour later. My heart hurt. A lot. All I could think was, "why is this happening?" "Why did I have to think I was pregnant for so long and then have similar symptoms as my first pregnancy?" I was so discouraged and just cried out to God in my weakness. "I am so weary God. Waiting for a child feels like so much longer than it really is. Help me to worship you here in this place. I am yours."<br />
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I began to sing the song that God gave me after my miscarriage, which I hope to share at some point. But there was another song that ministered to my heart so much as I have been processing my emotions. It is my song right now as I remind myself that "If my heart is overwhelmed, and I cannot hear your voice, I hold onto what is <u>true</u>, though I cannot see. If the storms of life they came and the road ahead gets steep, I will lift these hands in faith, I will believe. I remind myself of all that you've done. And the life I have because of Your Son. Love came down and rescued me, love came down and set me free, <i>I am yours, I am forever yours.</i> Mountain high or valley low, I sing out and remind my soul, that I am yours, I am forever yours."<br />
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I hope this post isn't a complete bummer. I think the beauty of sharing life with others is exposing your weakness and frustrations and allowing yourself to wrestle openly with the things that you wrestle with in private. I am hopeful that there is more to this life. There is still much to celebrate and still much to be thankful for...that post will come at another time soon!Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-7555936646729448292013-03-03T18:22:00.002-08:002013-03-03T18:22:12.513-08:00The cupOh man, life is so fast! There have been multiple times where I want to sit down and write something out of the passion I am experiencing regarding a topic or lesson I am learning. For me, I'm the kind of person who needs to write out of her passions. It's hard for me to just sit and free write because it will be all over the place and I like when things tie together. So, all those things I have wanted to write about lately are just a part of me now and not something bubbling over that I can easily express at this point. I'm sure they will be posted at some point, as God continues to refine me and deepen my understanding of the recent revelations about how God is humbling me with His grace or how an intentional life of mission has been burning in me. But, I want to write about today.<br />
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Today I could have wept and worshipped for hours after church (but like I said at the beginning of this post, life is fast and sometimes I miss out on those moments that God is doing something in me, which could be a whole other blog post). But here I am now, in my weak "let's try this again" mindset, processing the Word of God that was spoken today and allowing it to penetrate my very being.<br />
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Since God has been humbling me so much regarding my need for grace, I have been asking Him to, especially in this season, remind me of the weight of my sin and the intensity of His sacrifice.<br />
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The message at church today was about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane before leading up to his arrest, death, and resurrection. Jesus is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death and three times he prays "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." I have gone to church all growing up, and always read this verse as "Father, I don't want to go through all the pain and torture of being beat and pierced on a cross..."without really looking at what the "this cup" means. But, when Jesus says, "this cup" he means the cup of God's wrath!! WHOA! Like I said, call me a "church-goer since childhood" but I don't remember hearing this emphasized before, or maybe the Holy Spirit was just really highlighting it to me, because I was completely consumed with awe. The overwhelming sorrow due to his anticipation of deep agony was because of the <b>CUP</b>, not the cross. Now, I'm sure he wasn't looking forward to the beatings or death on a cross, but his intense prayers that lead to sweating blood was because of the <b>CUP</b>!<br />
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The cup of God's wrath is filled with God's fury towards <u>OUR</u> sin. The sinless Savior willingly endures the wrath of God that <u>WE</u> deserve as sinners! God knew His rescue plan for mankind since before time began which was to <b>sacrifice</b> His only Son (and ultimately himself, when looking at the trinity) in order to <b>save</b> mankind.<br />
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I was in tears as we spent time singing to the One who drank every last drop from the cup for <i>me</i>...and for <b>you</b>!<br />
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<i>There's no greater love than this.</i><br />
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<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-12960527659513026612013-02-04T15:37:00.000-08:002013-02-04T15:37:50.981-08:00Off Days6:00am alarm goes off. Sore, swollen throat. Swollen lymph nodes. Plugged up nose.<br />
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"Mike, I don't feel the greatest, I don't think I can go to work."<br />
"Sweetie I'm sorry, try drinking some water and sitting up, that could help."<br />
I replied with a blunt "NO. I'm staying home."<br />
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It was one of those days. One of those days when I woke up and I felt off from the get go. I was not in the mindset to go to work where I would be serving kids that would drool on me, most likely bite me, and rub their snotty noses on me. Now, that's not how I would usually describe my job---but that's how I did this morning. I didn't want to serve. I didn't want to pour out. I felt burnt out.<br />
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That's what happens when I live on my own strength. I feel off. I wasn't meant to live on my own strength.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"But he said to me, '</span><span class="woj" style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My grace<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup> is sufficient for you, for my power<sup class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-29032B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup> is made perfect in weakness.'</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">**Wow. The second I typed that the music in the background sang that verse. Yup, God must be banging that message from a gong to me. </span></span><br />
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Every morning for the past 10 days I have been too tired to wake up to spend time with God. This is SO crucial for me to do. I don't have it in to me to go to work where I treat severely multiply impaired kids, to love my husband, to prepare him dinner after a long day, to take care of the house, all in my own strength. This morning I felt it. I knelt before God feeling the distance that I had put between us. The distance that puts the weight on me to get things done and to do them well. But I don't have much--I don't have anything--to offer in my own strength. I have to come to Jesus <u style="font-weight: bold;">everyday</u> for my daily bread to <i>sustain</i> me. His Word, His prayer, for us speaks of this as he asks for us to ask for our <u>daily</u><i> </i>bread. He gives us all that we need for one day at a time, and I have to come back for more the next day. So today I spent the day doing what I would do with anyone that I am trying to reconnect with. I spent time with God. I spoke to Him and made time to listen. May I continue to come to Him in my weakness, even on my "strongest" days.<br />
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<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-35745762040691226602013-01-06T10:14:00.001-08:002014-07-19T05:15:38.198-07:00When Love Flooded In<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">My intimate and personal story of a life that was given and taken away, and how strength was given to say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME! This is not to testify to anything that I could have ever done in my own strength, but to magnify the name of God and proclaim that God is undeniably present with the brokenhearted.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
There has never been a day that I was more excited to pee.
November 14 I peed on that “magical” stick and 2 lines appeared…two significant
lines that brought me to my knees with complete awe and excitement. <b>I was
pregnant!</b></div>
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I had dreamed of this day since I was like….12. Haha. I pulled out the baby name list that I
have been adding to since I was 13, I started furiously pinning ideas on
pinterest, and I started brainstorming all the fun ways I would tell my family
and friends this thrilling news.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But then it set in…<i>fear</i>.
Ya know, that paralyzing emotion that the devil tries to use to rob you of joy
and trip you up in trusting God’s best. Thoughts like “what if I lose the
baby?” “What if my child is like so many of my current patients, born severely
multiply impaired?” and then guilt “don’t mess this up…if something wrong
happens it will be your fault” and “you don’t deserve a blessing like this”.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Those thoughts would consume me in the night and in the
morning--during my weakest hours.
I asked for prayer warriors to surround me and prayed with a friend
rebuking those lies and fears and <b>I was set free</b>. God whispered to me “I work all things together for your good,
according to my purposes.” And at that moment and multiple times again I told
God “Every day you give me with this precious gift of life, I surrender him/her
to you because they are yours and for your glory.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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We had told many friends and immediate family about our
exciting news and everyone was ecstatic for us! We were really looking forward
to making our big public announcement in a couple more weeks at Christmas. We
wanted everyone to join our celebration!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Until that time, I started singing songs to our baby and
coming up with many nicknames for him/her <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> I started to imagine
the memories we would make together with the simple moments and the first
milestones. Oooh how I couldn’t wait for my first ultrasound so that reality
would set in more, that life was REALLY in me! <o:p></o:p></div>
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December 19 was the day I was anticipating. There I laid,
the doctor applying the ice cold gel below my belly button and there he was (I
kept thinking our baby was a boy), with a little figure that I could already
decipher body parts--his head, body, and even his little arms. Streams rolled
down my face as I looked in awe at our precious little baby. AND better yet,
there was the tiny little pulse, giving me a peace of mind that our little babe
was as he should be. The tears strolled even more. “Oh God, what a miraculous
blessing that I am carrying in my womb!”
We were told our baby’s due date was July 19, 2013; we were 9 weeks and
5 days pregnant. <o:p></o:p></div>
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On the way home, we stopped at the store to frame the
pictures of the ultrasound for our parents for Christmas—we knew it would be a
heart-warming gift. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Two days later (December 21) Mike and I made our way to
Lansing as we were going to celebrate Christmas early with my family. That night I had a little bit of
spotting and felt uneasy. I called the doctor that was on call that night and
he said spotting was pretty normal and he felt confident and hopeful for me as
I had just had an ultrasound on Wednesday and there was a heartbeat. I held
onto that and chose to not let myself be consumed with thoughts of fear. I slept
great that night and felt fine the next morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That next day when it came time to open up presents with my
family, I started having sharp cramps that came out of no where.
Again I called my doctor and he explained to me that as the uterus is
stretching that it can be more painful for some women. He told me that since I
was not bleeding he didn’t have concern at this point. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The cramps became unbearable and my family thought it would
be a good idea to go to the emergency room in order to give me a peace of mind
that everything was ok and to see if there was anything I could do to minimize
the pain. The pain remained at a level that I had never experienced before. I
had blood work done and a pelvic exam and they said that things were looking ok
at this point. I had to go to the bathroom and I had some more spotting than
previously. Deep breath…“God works all things together for my good, according
to His purposes.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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I went back to my room and the nurse was ready to take me to
get an ultrasound. I was excited and nervous to see my precious baby again. I
kept praying that everything was going to be ok. The technician spent a long
time assessing me with the ultrasound tool and my heart began to drop. I kept
telling myself, “Everything was fine just 3 days ago…they can’t be wrong now”,
trying to cling to all the hope I had left. I softly asked her “How is
everything looking?” and she responded, “I’m just the picture taker, the doctor
has to review the pictures.” My stomach instantly began to ache…beyond the
intense cramps I was experiencing. “Oh God, please let everything be ok!!!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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They wheeled me back to my room and my PA told me she was
waiting to look at the pictures from the ultrasound with the doctor. My PA had
to only be 26 or so, and she was so sweet while taking care of me throughout
the day. When she came back to my room her eyes were red and it didn’t take
long for her to speak these words choking back tears, “You are the last person
I would want to say this to, but the baby had no heart beat. You are going
through a miscarriage right now”….(she continued talking but I couldn’t hear
her until she ended with this), “I want you to know right now that this is not
your fault.” She left to give me some time with Mike and my mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
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The transition of her telling me the news and leaving the
room was surreal, but this is a peek into what I felt. Deep sorrow and loss met
with deep peace and comfort. As my husband held me and cried with me, I knew
God was in that room. All the nicknames, memories, and dreams we had with our
baby <i>raced through my head</i>, but <u>God’s
love flooded my heart. <o:p></o:p></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><br /></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The deep emotional pain quickly met with deep physical pain
as I now understood that the cramps I was experiencing were contractions that
were meant to pass the baby that I would never get to hold. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I went back to the words God had spoken over me “I work
all things together for your good, according to my purposes.” So I laid there
in my husband’s arms in the hospital bed, with tear stained cheeks, staring
off, allowing myself to rest in the comfort that God so tenderly provided me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>“My dear child, I have your child…remember how the song
‘better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere’ played multiple
times throughout this week? My dear child those words were to prepare <b>you</b></i><i>, your child is in my courts.”</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wow. More tears softly fell down my face. The best day I
could ever provide my child, the greatest achievement they could ever
experience, did not even compare to the brilliance my baby is experiencing in
heaven. No pain, no heartache, no
sickness (all things that I would want to protect my precious child from) will
never touch him. I’m crying over that reality even as I type this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As God whispered those words over me as well as bringing many songs and passages of scripture to mind, I knew that I wanted to use this loss as a way to minister to others---and I have
gotten many of those opportunities already. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They eventually discharged me from the emergency room and
over the following 12 hours, I went through tremendous physical pain as I
waited to pass the baby. But even then, I knew God was there (and not only
that, but my husband was such a beautiful representation of Christ as he held
me, cried with me, and prayed for me each step of the way). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
**I won’t give the physical details here, but want to offer
that if you know of any women in the future who have a miscarriage, I would be
honored to help them walk through their loss physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. **<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the next few days I got such encouraging words from
friends and family. It was amazing the support that surrounded me. I do not
regret for one minute sharing our news “too early” as some may say. Having
loved ones pray for me and embrace me and Mike during this time has blessed us
so much! God even used people who didn’t even know I was pregnant to speak to
me in miraculous ways. He used a <u>first grader</u> and a dear lady I’ve <u>never
even met</u> from a different country to speak life and hope over my womb, and
neither one of them knew that I was pregnant! Wow, my God is <b>good</b>!!! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
OK, so I can’t help but share my sweetest and most intimate
detail about my baby that God shared with me. The way that God so compassionately
cares for us is so astonishing! Now, this was something that I might have
thought was weird in the past, as I couldn’t wrap my mind around it; but a
friend of mine who had a miscarriage a few years ago prayed with me and told me
that God told her the name of her baby. Knowing the baby’s name was not even
something that crossed my mind because I wasn’t sure what the gender was
(although, as I shared previously, I had my “motherly instinct” that we were
going to have a boy). I still
hadn’t thought much about what our baby’s name was, but God had. So, this
friend of mine was praying for me and she said “God, I thank you that this baby
is a warrior, that this baby is in heaven <b>warring</b> in the spiritual realm and interceding for Carly and her and Mike’s
future children.” Honestly, I wasn’t sure what to think about that…it brought
tears to my eyes to think about, but I also thought, “is that really what my
baby could be doing in heaven?” So I prayed about it on my own separately later
on. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So going back some, as I had mentioned previously, a woman
from a different country who I have never met spoke hope and life over my womb.
This woman is my best friend’s mom (my best friend is an international student,
so I’ve never gotten to meet her mom before). She didn’t know I was pregnant
yet and she called Veronica on the day I was having my miscarriage and shared
with her she was praying and had a vision of me with <b>grain</b> seedlings in my womb. Veronica told her that I had
been pregnant but was currently going through a miscarriage, but her mom said,
“Tell Carly, that there WILL be life in her…she has seeds of life in her!”
TEARS….LOTS OF TEARS….God sees us and God uses His people to speak life into
our situations. HALLELUJAH!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So anyway, going back to the name (I’m sorry if this seems
dragged out, all of these details are significant!), I was sitting at dinner
with a group of friends and out of the blue the name “Graham” popped in my
head. Mike, knowing that I’ve been passing baby names by him since we were
engaged, just nodded and said, “yeah, that’s a cool name.” At this point, I
didn’t mean for it to be the name of our baby we had to wait to hold, but for a
future baby. Later that night I googled the meaning of the name Graham and the
top two meanings I could find were <b>GRAIN</b>
and <b>WARRING!! </b>“Are you kidding
me God?” I wept as God showed me that the most intimate details matter to him.
So, that is his name, our precious boy’s name is Graham. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Sweet
Graham, I want to say you left too soon, too early<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But instead
I know that you are in the place that God intended earth to be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will never
forget the day, the tremendous loss on December 23<sup>rd </sup><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
But how just
two days later I could celebrate the LIFE we have through our Savior’s <u>birth</u><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The arms you
are in are greater than mine could ever be<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And one day
I WILL get to hold you, the one who has been <i>warring</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I will join
you in playing in the streets of gold<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
And I will
join you on my knees in bowing low<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
To the King
of Kings who is worthy and who reigns <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
To Him who
was so very present, <b>when love flooded in</b></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-72807602312943067622012-10-29T09:46:00.004-07:002012-10-29T13:19:27.916-07:00New Job Journey<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a details person, so please bare with my tendency to
become long winded haha! But seriously, this story is a great testimony of
God’s perfect plans. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s your dream job, Carly?” has been a question asked by
many since I have graduated. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(My BIG dream job is actually not in the field of
Occupational Therapy, but I know that I’m not in a place or pursuing that job
yet. I still absolutely love Occupational Therapy though and feel so blessed to
be in a field that I really do enjoy.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So besides that tangent that I went on ;) I always respond
with, “My dream job would be working as an Occupational Therapist in a school
system.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I have shared this with other Occupational Therapists
that I have networked with, there is a common message of, “You’re probably
going to have to pursue other areas first because getting into the school
system is really tough, that’s where almost every pediatric OT wants to be.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I pursued a job at Pine Rest, where I had my internship
and truly loved as well. I love my patients at Pine Rest….A LOT! Ask my
husband, he hears me go on and on about them (without personal information of
course!). So that is where I have been working since I graduated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So fast forward, and I took my Occupational Therapy boards in
the middle of August. I found out that I failed and was so devastated. I had
missed it by 2 questions…TWO QUESTIONS! AH! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The day after I found out I failed my exam, I got a phone
call from a principal in the Grand Rapids Public School System.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hi, is this Carly Stender?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes, it is, may I ask who’s calling?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hi, my name is Jean Allard. I am the principal at Ken O
Sha. I recently got your name and some information about you from an OT in the
district that you have been talking with. He said you wanted to work in the
schools, and I am interested in you applying to the OT position at my school.
Our OT just notified us of her resignation.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I told her that I was taking the exam in 45 days (that’s how
long I had to wait) and so she stated that they would keep me in mind but that
they were going to have to open the position to others as well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We kept in touch during the 45 days and she shared that
Human Resources still hadn’t gotten to the interviewing process. I went and
took a tour there to see what it was like. Honestly, I was intimidated and got
terrified of the idea of working there actually haha. There were some really
involved patients and I felt like such a baby walking in there and thinking
that people would be coming to ME for my “expertise.” I figured that they would
start the interviewing process before I took the exam though, so I thought that
I would be let off the hook. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I prayed, “God, this job terrifies me. Please just close
this door if I’m not supposed to work there.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fast forward some more and I took my exam on October 10. On
October 10 after my exam I got a call from the principal. “Hi Carly, we are
starting the interview process next week, are you still interested in an
interview?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could not believe that the job was still open!! SO, I
scheduled an interview (OH and then I found out I PASSED THE EXAM!!)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My interview was….ok. Haha, I did not feel good about the
interview actually. It was very straight forward and all about situations
(which can be hard to answer when you’re just starting your profession). They
interviewed 4 people for this job and the person before me and after me were
both older women, who looked like they probably had a TON more experience than
me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a part of this interview they asked me how long it would
take to get my license now that I passed my exam. Most of my classmates shared
that it took 3-4 weeks, so that’s what I told them. They said they wanted to
fill this position as soon as possible, and so that that time frame might not
work for them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I left the interview feeling disappointed (since this was
the door to get into my DREAM job
as a school OT) but felt relieved as well because I knew this job would really
challenge me and stretch me out of my comfort zone for sure.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day later I got my license in the mail!!! This 3-4 week
process took ONE week for me! I was shocked! Everything seemed to be lining
up!! They pursued ME for this job from the beginning, they started the
interview process at the perfect timing for me, AND I got my license a lot
sooner than expected. However, I truly did not think I would be offered the job
because of being a new graduate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The morning after I got my license in the mail, I got a
phone call from the principal asking about my license and I told her that I got
it in the mail already! With excitement she shared, “well that works out
perfectly because we would like to offer you the job!!!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
WHAT?!?!?!?! Are you kidding me??? I literally was
speechless for 10 seconds. She sounded really confused when I was stumbling
over the words I was trying to find to say haha. I seriously had a “speech” all
thought up of what I would say after she declined the job offer. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So here I am. Walking in God’s goodness…walking in God’s
perfect plan, starting my dream job on November 5. I am honored and terrified
all at the same time <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-1609717320781713932012-10-15T08:48:00.001-07:002013-01-07T15:36:38.276-08:00Wedding DayRecently I had a vision of twirling around with Jesus. It was bliss. Lately, I have been blessed to be in a season where I truly feel like I have just simply been enjoying Jesus and allowing myself to receive his affections toward me. Now this may sound "ultra spiritual" and "fluffy" to some, as I hope that there are all different kinds of people who read my blog; but to be completely real with you all, this season has brought me such deep joy, peace, and refreshment and I hope you can one day experience this as well.<br />
<br />
For the past year God has been stripping me of my pride and self sufficiency. It was hard. painful. refining. I needed it, I needed it bad. I have loved Jesus since a young age and so I often thought I "had it together."I wanted to just depend on myself and not have to be weak. I wanted to receive the glory and recognition for what GOD alone had done through me as His vessel. But my good deeds were still like filthy rags to him (Isaiah 64:6).<br />
<br />
When I picture Isaiah 64:6 for myself, I picture myself in my wedding dress (white, pure, radiant) and doing one of those Trash the Dress sessions and presenting myself in a completely muddy, stained, no longer white, wedding dress. My wedding dress, something that was so pure and lovely to me, was covered in filth. This is how I was before God. When spending time with God I wanted to tell him "but look, I'm wearing white, it's there somewhere." But, it is ONLY through the blood of Jesus that I have been made pure and lovely.<br />
<br />
I want to present myself to my King, my Groom in white. I have already done that to my incredible husband, Mike, who daily portrays Christ's love. But I know one day I will be united with The Groom, the One that saved me, the One that calls me His Beloved. My wedding day with Mike took preparation (not just with the logistics and decorations for the day, but with my heart) and my wedding day with Christ takes preparation. As Christ has been sanctifying me throughout my years of following him, especially this past year of being refined, he is preparing me for our wedding day.<br />
<br />
I've been listening to a song by Cory Asbury and Allyson Prior called <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbEuO8Uap38">Shine</a> (check it out!) and it gives such beautiful words to what Jesus says to us about the preparation. This song means so much to me as I have seen breakthrough with some areas of sin for the past couple months.<br />
<br />
The song says, <i>"You don't have to look on the past and remember your sin, because I have washed it all away. As far as the east is from the west, so have I removed your sin from you. I've thrown it away in the sea of forgetfulness. You don't need to dwell there any longer. You have the victory because I have the victory. I have conquered it."</i><br />
<br />
It has been amazing to be able to move forward in freedom, that I don't need to sit in condemnation but that Christ's blood is enough to wash me. That in my filthy wedding dress, I am made white. The next part of the song talks about preparation for the Wedding Day.<br />
<br />
<i>"I've clothed you in garments of white, my Beloved. I'm making you ready. I'm preparing you for that day. It's all about the wedding day, on the day when I return. I can't wait for that day, My Bride. I will claim you as my own. You are going to shine. We are going to spend eternity together."</i><br />
<br />
So this is what it's all about for me.<br />
<br />
<i>"There is going to be a wedding. It's the reason that I'm living--to marry the Lamb."</i><br />
<br />
Behold the Lamb, who takes away the sin of the world. John 1:29<br />
<br />
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<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-18704699977069185032012-10-07T18:40:00.003-07:002012-10-08T06:25:08.844-07:00TestThis is just a test. I have had some friends share that they leave comments and then they don't show up. So please just leave a simple comment so I can see if I can get the issue checked out.<br />
<br />
Thanks :)<br />
<br />
More blogging to come...Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-57200861700831984932012-10-03T13:23:00.000-07:002012-10-03T13:47:13.920-07:00I'm baaaaack....again!So if you have followed my blog for any amount of time, you will be quick to see that I have been SO inconsistent with this thing! Like....SO inconsistent!<br />
<br />
The thing is, I found myself looking to my blog (along with too many other things) as a place to fulfill my selfish desire to be <i>seen</i> and <i>noticed</i>.<br />
<br />
If only I could write up some fancy piece about humility, or offer a killer recipe...well not literally killer ;) or show a "sweet" art project I was doing on my own, than MAYBE more people would be drawn to who I was.<br />
<br />
<u>BARF.</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
Loneliness sucks. It sure does. But so does pride and so does a lifestyle of performance.<br />
<br />
It is JESUS CHRIST I want others to be drawn to.<br />
<br />
God has so kindly and gently brought me to a deeper place of humility and dependence on Him as I learn to trust His faithfulness and provision. I have been through a season of being lonely, stagnant, and honestly...ungrateful.<br />
<br />
BUT God (in His perfection) has so sweetly and richly blessed me. I often tell other people this, but now I have learned to preach it to myself, and I am seeing it come to pass: "You will one day live in the fruit of the season you are in."Out of this trying season I've had for the past year, I have learned so many things!<br />
<br />
Things like...<br />
-Jesus is my FRIEND and I can count on him<br />
-It is not God who leaves me, but rather, I am the one who tries to make it without Him<br />
-How to be thankful in all circumstances (I have really been in a season of embracing this, and let me tell you, life is SO much better when you choose to live this way!!)<br />
-God knows what He is doing<br />
-God is faithful<br />
-God cares about the things that are important to us<br />
-How to worship for HIS glory<br />
-How to intimately follow Christ behind closed doors<br />
-AND...That I am a DAUGHTER of the Most High King...meaning that I have authority and that God's goodness and unfailing love will surely follow me all the days of my life! HALLELUJAH!<br />
<br />
So here I am...for now. I hope to be back to blogging (if I can keep my heart in check about it), because truly I love writing and testifying to what the Lord is doing in my life and in the lives around me. So friends, I am studying 1 Peter for the month of October and it is rockin my world. I'll be back at some point to share with you :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-50610947630209638082012-07-12T15:47:00.000-07:002012-07-12T19:23:25.764-07:00I want to be louder<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">WARNING: This may be offensive. Please trust my heart and my intentions to speak all of this in love and conviction for myself included.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">So, I'm a pretty loud person. When I say that I mean, I have a loud laugh, I talk really loud when I get enthusiastic (which is about a lot of things) and I've had many people tell me they can tell when I'm around. Now with that, I don't feel like I'm usually loud in an offensive way, and never want to be considered that, but nonetheless may still come off that way with this blog post.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">So I live in Grand Rapids now and it's a cool and fun city (but sorry folks, there's still no place like Kalamazoo to me). Anyway, there are some things I really enjoy about this city..like downtown, all the options for EVERYTHING--food, hobbies, recreation, community involvement, neighborhoods, etc. I value the way this city has really expanded and grown into a "well oiled machine" per say and has really become a hot spot.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">However, my biggest pain, biggest frustration, biggest heart ache about this city is the sense of religiosity and self-righteousness that I have experienced either hurting me or hurting others. Now, I want to justify this by expressing that Jesus can't stand this either. He often corrected the Pharisees and those who were self-righteous. I also want to clarify that I'm not here to point fingers or to say who is self righteous and speak against the church. I am a part of the church, which is the body of Christ, and I will not let Christ be defamed because of how others misrepresent him, because I am guilty of it as well.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">What I want to express is that I have come in contact with SO many people that do not want anything to do with Jesus or the Church because of the people who claim to be Christians. This issue breaks my heart so, so much and I often catch myself dwelling on it because of how it pains me. People have told me of the ways they have been hurt by the Church, the body of Christ, because of the judgment and self-righteousness that they convey. Church---Body of Christ, this should NOT be the case! I am SO tired of people hearing the word Christian and thinking (judgmental, hateful, self righteous, hypocritical, legalistic). I mean gosh, the word Christian means FOLLOWER OF CHRIST! Now, I want to show grace to every single Christian out there by expressing that I know none of us will ever be perfect and we are all going to mess up and say and do things that are hurtful to others--I understand that. But our love for each other and our love for others should far outweigh the hurt we cause because we have the Living God that is Perfect Love inside of us. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">The people who are <i>misrepresenting</i> Christ seem to be so much louder than the people who are aiming to <i>represent</i> Christ---and <b>I want to be louder</b>.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">I want to be <b>louder</b> than the people who speak out against the unchurched or the unsaved.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">I want to be <b>louder</b> than the Christians who speak out against the churched, the Body of Christ, their own brothers and sisters for goodness sakes.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">I want to be <b>louder </b>than the people who speak out against Christians saying they are judgmental, self-righteous, unloving.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">I want to be <b>louder.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;">I don't want to be afraid of calling myself a Christian because of the negative connotation that goes with it. It seems like everyone is getting louder with their opinions and lifestyles and passions and there are too many people who aim to represent Christ who are being quiet out of fear of being misunderstood. But it is time for us to make some noise! I want to be <b>loud</b> enough that the name of Christ is lifted high! I want Christ to be glorified and for people to draw near to him, because truly, I believe once people know the love of Christ, they won't be able to resist him.</span><br />
<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-83822180677805852702012-04-29T18:06:00.002-07:002013-01-08T18:17:18.340-08:00The HumanThere is something that I'm seeing in my generation. Something great, but something that I also feel like can be used as a cover up.<br />
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Save the trees.<br />
Rescue the slaves.<br />
End sex/human trafficking.<br />
Recycle.<br />
Help the poor.<br />
World peace.<br />
Be accepting of everyone.<br />
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I am definitely for those things, and am involved with some things to intentionally make a difference. BUT...yes there is a BUT...what I see that is lacking is focusing on an individual. (Disclaimer: I am identifying myself as having this issue too)<br />
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It's easier to be for humanity than for the human.<br />
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What I see happening is that so many people in this generation are doing something for humanity and patting themselves on the back for it (which once again, I really do appreciate and value) BUT then we give the finger to the guy who cuts us off in traffic...or we disrespect our parents...or we gossip about the coworker/classmate that we can't stand...or we trash talk the person who has an opposing view than us. Why is it that we can feel so good about ourselves for serving a meal to the poor, raising money to end human trafficking, and advocating for a minority group but than when it comes to the individuals in our life we can quickly walk past their needs or walk all over their dignity.<br />
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We talk about how we should "love the least of these" as if they have to be far off somewhere...or that it's an event. AN EVENT. An event can't replace our daily command to "love the least of these" or to "love your neighbor as yourself."<br />
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I believe loving the human is the beginning to being able to reach humanity. Let's not be known as a generation that just seeks to serve and love humanity, but one that does so for the human----the neighbor, the mom or dad, the sibling, the coworker, the classmate, the stranger, the waitress, the cashier, the customer service representative, the enemy. Who are you going to be intentional about serving and loving today?<br />
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<br />Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-6685725643105207702012-04-16T15:48:00.002-07:002012-04-16T17:49:38.209-07:00Let the winds blow.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Awake, O north wind, and come, O south! blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out. Let My beloved come to His garden and eat its pleasant fruits Song of Songs 4:16</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">When reading Song of Songs, there can be a deeper understanding of intimacy. Some read it as physical intimacy, but it can be seen as spiritual intimacy as well. The first four chapters of Song of Songs focuses on the Bride of Christ's journey towards understanding and enjoying her inheritance in Christ. These chapters emphasize how God views and desires her.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Here is an explanation I found regarding Song of Songs 4:16 that I really liked (mikebickle.org)</span></div><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">A. The Bride now has enough confidence in God's goodness to offer a 2 fold prayer. She prays for both </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">the north winds of adversity and the south winds of blessing. She knew that both played a </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">strategic role in her becoming a fragrant garden for God's pleasure.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">B. Awake, O north wind – this speaks of the bitter cold wind of testing and difficulty. This prayer is </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">answered in Song 5:3-7 as she goes through what I call “the ultimate 2-fold test”.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">C. Come, O south wind – her second prayer is that Jesus send the refreshing winds of blessing to </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">mature her. Only God has the wisdom to know the right combination of the north and the south </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">winds that are necessary in each season of our life. Only God knows our makeup and destiny.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">D. Blow upon my garden – she wants the garden of her heart and ministry to be deeply affected. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Deep pockets of our unperceived pride, ambition, and anger, etc. are uncovered to us as we work </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">under difficult circumstances. That its spices may flow out – she desires to be filled with God's </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">fragrant Presence. In other words, she wants to grow in love. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">E. Let my Beloved come to His garden – is the transition from her garden to His garden. She </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">desires to be totally God’s. She wants an anointing of consecration. She sees her life and ministry </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">as "His" garden instead of hers. Jesus has an inheritance in the church (Eph. 1:18). This is the </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">turning point in the Song. For the first 4 chapters it was her inheritance, from now on it is His. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Let my Beloved eat its pleasant fruits – that Jesus might enjoy what the Spirit has worked in her.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Jesus has really been bringing my heart to this place of singing "whatever's in front of me, I'll sing hallelujah". I just want Jesus to have it all. He deserves it all. </span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/wkQ7H9T-Xng?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-29477414227337884182012-04-05T14:47:00.000-07:002012-04-05T14:47:44.696-07:00WithdrawalsFacebook withdrawals. Yes, they exist...and yes I realize that is pathetic.<br />
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I have gone off facebook for 3 days now, and I have been SO tempted to get on and use it. I will admit, I have gotten on a few times because I'm planning a baby shower, but that's all I've done on there. How ridiculous is it that I am tempted to stay on longer and scan through people's lives?<br />
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But yeah, there's my honesty with you all as I push through this need to be involved in everyone's lives in order to feel valued and significant.<br />
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On a side note, I am currently interning at Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services. I am just in my first week there, and I have already met so many fascinating and interesting people. They are dealing with schizophrenia, bipolar, major depression, mood disorders, and all sorts of psychotic disorders. AND...a lot of them are dealing with withdrawals. It's so easy to turn to something of this world as an escape..and I know that to be true in my life as I've shared.<br />
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As I've been meeting with them God has given me some great opportunities to minister to them and to speak into their lives that God loves them, He has plans for them, that they have purpose and are special in the eyes of the Creator. It's been an amazing experience so far and I still have 11 more weeks to go! <br />
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God, as you work in my heart to rid me of the things I escape to for value, identity, and instant gratification, I pray that your love would not only transform my life, but the lives of my patients as well. That together we would see that a life fixed on you is full and satisfying--that YOU as our Creator are all that we need and that we would rest in that and walk fully in who you've made us to be.Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-55501465787637036352012-04-04T14:52:00.004-07:002012-04-04T16:53:22.351-07:00I'm clearly bad at this :)<span style="background-color: #fce5cd; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So my ambitions of being a blogger just aren't doing so hot ha. I love to journal and I want to share what's going on in my life and what God is doing in it, but keeping up with this has been too much for me to handle I guess. I have felt like I needed to be embarking on something or beginning something in order to start back up so that I know where to begin. The idea of trying to fill you in on the last several months of my life is OVERWHELMING to me! So instead, I am starting with a clean slate with a beginning. So here it is: my passionate, vulnerable, broken, yet redeemed journey I am taking in this season that God has been calling me to for a while now. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. “In that day,” declares the LORD, “you will call me ‘my husband’; you will no longer call me ‘my master.’ Hosea 2:14-16</span><br />
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</span></div><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">The Book of Hosea is a prophetic accounting of God’s relentless love for His children. Since the beginning of time God’s ungrateful and undeserving creation has been accepting God’s love, grace, and mercy while still unable to refrain from its wickedness. </span><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">The last part of Hosea shows how God’s love once again restores His children as He forgets their misdeeds when they turn back to Him with a repentant heart. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">My heart so often turns to other things to satisfy my soul. God's love, grace, and mercy are always before me, and I choose to invest in temporary gratifications. Since I've moved to Grand Rapids, I've had to really reevaluate my identity as I'm no longer in the "limelight" so to speak in any type of ministry or leadership role. To overcome the feelings of missing that season of life, I've turned to things such as Facebook, pinterest, and obsessive home making (seriously, ridiculous ha), to establish an identity for myself outside of what Christ sees in me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">You see, spending hours scanning through my newsfeed, or the pinterest pages, and decorating and redecorating my house have shown to be replacements to find my value, rather than persevering through the wilderness to allow Christ to allure me and reveal my identity to me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">Too often my relationship with God has become legalistic, where my feelings about how God sees me are based on my performance and how much I've done for Him rather than embracing the grace and salvation I've received. I want to know the fullness of Christ and that I am full and complete in him alone. I know this will be a life journey, BUT in this season...however long it takes, I want a greater revelation of this. So I'm taking some time off facebook and am only using Pinterest on the weekends since these are my biggest distractions. It's time I respond to the invitation that God has sent me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fce5cd; color: #222222; line-height: 18px; text-align: -webkit-left;">Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1</span></span>Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-16381746491503856302011-10-14T19:19:00.000-07:002011-10-14T19:22:49.745-07:00Back at it.Sooo...like some people, I've had every intention to keep up with this blog and have failed miserably! It has been since JANUARY that I've posted..YIKES.<br />
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I am an extrovert, so it is helpful for me to process things by expressing myself. This makes blogging helpful for me, and hopefully through the journey God takes me through some of my thoughts are helpful to you too :)<br />
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So now I'm back at it.<br />
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To try and fill you all in on what God has done in my life since January would require me to write a novel haha. So I will just post an update of where I'm at now.<br />
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As I had written in January, there were many changes that were possibly to come. Well, those changes have come. Mike is a full time staff intern with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Grand Valley State University, so we have relocated to Grand Rapids, MI. I have joined volunteer staff for the semester with him and am leading and training the worship team as well as mentoring 5 girls. I am also finishing up my last semester of classes for my Masters degree in Occupational Therapy, and then I will head off to two different full time internships from January-June.<br />
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This transitions has caused me to come face to face with a lot of the insecurities that I've been able to push under the rug for a while now. It has been humbling, painful at times, and refining. But seriously, God is molding me into who He created me to be so I truly see this season of my life as beautiful--even though it sure doesn't feel that way some days.<br />
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As the title of my blog says, "Identified", that is exactly what God is continuing to teach me but more intensely. God is teaching me that I am identified as a princess, not a pauper; that I am unique, not someone that needs to duplicate someone else; that I can depend on my God that is constant, not my emotions.<br />
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I'm going to keep this short and sweet for now. More will be unraveled as time goes on. But my hope is that as I continue to seek and find my identity in Christ, you too would find yourself discovering how God sees you and who He made you to be.Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-64448131869054872702011-01-08T09:46:00.000-08:002011-01-08T09:49:57.811-08:00Turn My EyesMy Christmas Break is ending and the New Year is beginning.<br />
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This year has a new theme for me. Turn your eyes to Jesus. Now that may sound a little odd, like, wasn't that what you were or should have been doing all along? Ha. Well I wish it was what I did more often...but now it has gone to a deeper level for me.<br />
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As I look at the different heart issues, changes, and inevitable trials that will come this year I want to turn my eyes to Jesus each morning to start my day.<br />
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Heart Issues<br />
So as my church says...if you have a pulse, you have issues. There are areas of my life that I need healing in, such as how I see myself and my struggle with comparing myself to others. With a combination of having Words of Affirmation for my main love language (check out 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman) and comparing myself to others, I can often find myself desiring to do things to GET those words of affirmation. I want all I do to be done for Christ alone though. I want to be satisfied in just knowing that Christ is pleased with me. When I feel unappreciated or bring myself down due to a lack of words of affirmation, I want to TURN MY EYES TO JESUS. I heard a sermon recently by John Piper that said, "Do you feel more loved when Christ makes much of you or when he allows you to make much of him?" That hit me so much...I want all that I do to make much of him even if I don't get any credit for it because it is Christ who works in me to do anything good.<br />
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Changes<br />
There are some certain and potential changes that I know of this year that will put me in a position to turn me eyes to Jesus. I am starting a new fieldwork placement (similar to an internship for 10 hrs a week) at a nursing facility and unfortunately I'm not really looking forward to it. I have never done Occupational Therapy type of treatment with older adults before so I will need to TURN MY EYES TO JESUS every morning for wisdom and strength to do things I don't feel confident in.<br />
A potential change this year is that Mike and I might be moving (when and where will be TBD). Mike has applied to join Intervarsity Staff on a college campus (which is the campus ministry we have been involved in all of college). We are looking at colleges in the West Michigan region so I would commute to campus 2-3 days a week next semester and then my last semester of college is a full time internship so I would choose a location in the city we are placed. This is REALLY exciting but is also going to be a transition that may have its ups and downs as we say bye to things we know and love and I will need to TURN MY EYES TO JESUS--catching onto the theme? :)<br />
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Inevitable Trials<br />
Another issue of mine is that I often depend on my own strength to do something, when God readily offers His strength (which is FAR more than mine) to do anything we need to do that day. When trials come--and they do...I need to TURN MY EYES TO JESUS...He has all that I need whether I'm in a trial or having the best day of my life.<br />
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I'm excited for this year and all that God has in store! I don't know all that it will bring but I DO know that I will be needing to turn my eyes to Jesus daily.Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2114891689281005508.post-71097891903265682182010-12-23T20:04:00.000-08:002010-12-23T20:04:08.152-08:00The reason whySo I have always enjoyed writing and have contemplated starting a blog and with more free time this Christmas Break, I thought I would start one now. With this being my first post, it may start off a little shaky, ha, but I'm excited to see how God can use my trials, mistakes, and victories to hopefully bless you. We'll see what happens with it :)<br />
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This Christmas Break has been such a blessing. Mike and I have had a lot of quality time filled with laughter and fun and I am falling more in love with him everyday. This semester God really started to show me what it looks like for me to serve beyond myself---to serve even when I don't "feel" like it, as awful as that may sound. It can be so easy to get caught up in what I need to take care of in my life and totally forget about the people around me. Being married has challenged me to lean on God and call upon Him for strength everyday to serve my husband; this helped in my other friendships this semester as well. I believe God offers everything we need for that day and when we are aware of that, we get to live with a new freedom and humility that it was never us that was offering to others what they needed but rather God filled us with what we needed so that we can pour it out to others (...if that makes sense). So yeah...where that was leading me to? (ha...maybe this blogging thing could be interesting if people have to follow my thoughts that are bouncing all over the place). But this break has been a great time to see how God has grown our love this semester as we serve and care for each other on top of our full time class load, working part time, and serving on a leadership team with a campus ministry.<br />
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Christmas Break also always brings time of reunion with family and friends and it's so wonderful to be able to get together with people that I haven't seen in months and can pick up right where we left off. My friends from high school are some of the greatest. ever.<br />
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As I have reflected on this Christmas season, God reminded me of what this season is all about. I mean, I've always known Christmas is the time that we celebrate Jesus' birth, but what God pointed out to me this year was the idea of this season being a season of joy. For many people, Christmas time is a difficult time, but, for many others right when December 1st hits things are different. There is an entirely new atmosphere. People are cheerful and have this refreshed warmth in their hearts. There is a feeling of excitement and anticipation...feelings of joy. As I thought about this more these feelings we have are so valid--we have something big to celebrate, something big to get excited over, something to find joy over and we may not even realize why. But there is a reason why.<br />
Matthew 1:21, 23<br />
Mary will give birth to a son, and he is to be given the name Jesus (the Anointed One), because he will save his people from their sins...He will be called Immanuel, which means God with us.<br />
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Do you realize how HUGE that is?! We are celebrating baby that was sent to SAVE us and for God to be WITH us! Christmas time is a time to acknowledge that God is AMONG us. I mean this may seem like a simple truth to some, but it was an amazing reminder to me. Also, the fact that Jesus was sent to save us just blows my mind. All glory belongs to Him! Jesus was born to die...for me...for you.<br />
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That is the reason why. That is the reason why we should celebrate, get excited, and find joy at Christmas and even year round. Jesus loves you, he came for you, he has redeemed you.<br />
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Merry Christmas! Be Blessed.Carly Stenderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13359315336836055803noreply@blogger.com2